It's on my mind

Brittni

2010-07-16T01:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the experience of barely knowing someone but they touch your life in such a profound way you will never be the same? That's how it was with Brittni. I was sitting there and no one was giving me the time of day and she sits next to me. Our words were brief but there was just something about her and she changed the way I thought about life. We never hung out after that but every once and awhile our paths would cross. I just found out that she was murdered. Stabbed in the chest while she was walking in a park. I just makes me so sad to know that she's not here anymore. She was so wise and deep. She was the sweetest person I've ever met. I take some comfort in knowing that while she died young she lived a great and full life. Brittni-you will be missed and heaven is now a bit brighter

I don't get boys

2010-04-08T04:48:00.001-07:00

I just don't get boys. They are an odd sort. Though I am sure that they think the same about us, and I don't blame them. I just don't understand the need to be friends and then if it doesn't work out, because it never was going to, they drop you. But the thing is, I thought we were good at being friends. Niether of us had interest to go any further than that. Now he's engaged and I get the cold shoulder. Mind you it's not a huge loss but I don't get it. I am really happy for him. It's not like we even hung out all that much. Just confusing. Again, not so upset that we aren't friends but why? It's more confusing than anything else.

just rambling

2010-04-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

School has been going well. Work has been going well. Then why do I feel the way I feel. I feel lost somehow. I'm sad. I feel like my life is just passing me by. I have give 5 years of my life to work. I am getting older and haven't lived. When do we finally just stop wanting and go and do. How interesting people are. There are some that have gotten it all along-they are the ones traveling, living, loving life. They have a fire in their eyes and a passion for life. Then there are others that put there nose to the grind and push through life doing what they think they are suppose to do. A crossroads in my life. Which way will I go. For now I think that I will continue with what I'm doing. I am in hopes that it will pay off. I will be done with school and then take a break.

Crazy Crazy!!

2009-09-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to think i'm not soo good at this whole blog thing. Things have been super crazy lately and I am just finding time now to write. I quit my job as a live-in at a group home, which means I lost where I lived. So I had to find a place to live get moved out and in to my apartment, find another job and do it all before I left on vacation. I got most of it done, but my apartment is still a mess and I don't have a job just yet. On the plus side, vacation was a blast with my family. We go to Outer Banks North Carolina and relax on the beach for a week. A much needed and earned break from the everyday grind. It really made me miss my family and appreciate them all the more. I can't believe how my neices and nephews have grown! All getting so big and such cute kids. Getting back to Alaska was something else as well. I own a couple of guns that i travel with. I almost missed my flight back because Delta wasn't quite sure what to do with guns being checked. It took an hour to check my luggage and forever to get through security. I got through and walked onto the plane as one of the last passangers on. Then in SLC the plane lost power before we took off and the smell of gasoline overpowered us in the cabin. It was a bit scary but I made it home in one piece. Now I just have to find a job and get my apartment together and I should be good

The Company vent

2009-08-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

I work for a company that has great principles but the people running it just don't seem to get it. I work as a Live-in at a group home. That means I work 24/7 for 12 days and then get two days off. When I first started working as a live-in I needed to get out of debt. But the work seemed like a prison sentence. I am basically a single mom that never gets a babysitter. The company keeps saying "It's not about you, it's about the individuals you work with." I have never been soo tired and burnt out with a job. I love the guys I work with but never getting any support to keep me sane is really hard. I pride myself in being committed to my job and always giving my all but I am so not wonder woman. I don't believe that what I ask for is a ridiculous request. I just want some supports to keep me going when I am needing a quick break so I can take care of myself, so I can take care of my guys. I suppose it really doesn't matter because I am leaving my position and going back to school. But I want others in my position to have the supports they need so they can do the job they need to do and are expected to do. I feel like the higher ups that work in the office have a distorted view on what we, the people that work in the field, go through and deal with on a daily basis. Things in this company need to change so it can be the amazing company that is in it's principles.

Dropping like flies

2009-07-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend I went to a wedding for a friend of mine. Man they are dropping like flies! So many of my friends are getting married it's crazy! Seems like the new fad. I am seriously one of the last of my group of friends that is still single and planning on staying that way. Don't get me wrong, I am soo happy for her and wish her all the happiness. Plus she kinda fought against it, so I'll give her that.

I know It's been awhile

2009-07-25T02:44:00.000-07:00

I know It's been awhile since I've posted anything. I have been soo sick! It was crazy. I was sick for two weeks and I lost my voice. Oh It was horrible!!! It started on my trip up to Fairbanks to watch the Eskimo-Indian Olympics. Which, by the way, were awesome!(aside from being sick) Plus I've decided to go back to school! I am really excited about it! I just have to find a place to live and a new job to get me through school. But hey! That's part of the adventure right?

Mess with my dogs

2009-07-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

So I went to a school today to look at some options for moving forward in my life. I think I am going to sign up to become a Medical Assistant. I am scared though because I will be giving up a job that I've had for four years. SO I keep reminding myself that to take a step forward sometime you have to take a step back. Thing is that I have two dogs and no one wants to rent to someone who has two dogs, one is okay, but two is too many. I didn't get my dogs thinking that I'd give one away later. So I gotta find something that works. Part of me wishes that I didn't become a live-in because I would have never bought Kenai and then I wouldn't be in this mess. Plus I really don't know that I can afford a place that allows dogs period because of the pay cut. And would it be far to Kenai because I would be working a full time job and going to school full time. She is just a puppy and that's a lot to ask of her. Maddie on the other hand is lazy as all get out. All she wants to do outside is poop and pee then fall asleep on the couch. So this new life style doesn't interfer with her daily acitvities. Oh Bleck! What am I going to do

Thoughts on that guy

2009-07-08T00:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy that puts you in emotional limbo? We drive each other crazy, but can't let each other go because apparently we are gluttons for punishment. We we first started dating life was Ah-mazing! Things got complicated after a bit and we tried to make it work. Of course we have done the multiple break-ups and are friends. He is my best friend. But then I realize we can't be friends. Neither one of us is going to move on because we still have each other. So now it's a matter of finding the strength to let him go. I love him enough to do that but I am so selfish. I don't want to have a life without him but I know I need to. It would be the best for both of us. Why is it always so hard to let go? For so long I was a strong, independent. I didn't need to have anyone around to be happy- let alone a guy. How do we go from being fine on our own to being dependent on someone who no longer makes us happy nor we make them happy? Why is it so hard to let go and move on. Well, that's all I have for tonight. More later.

Word Verification

2009-07-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

The one thing I just don't understand is the word verification for a site. The letters are strangely shaped and curved. I find them hard to read and end up having to type it a couple of times. Makes me feel I shouldn't be doing things on line.